


Fault

by everydayistuesday



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Billie is sorta there too, Castiel is happy, Castiel speaks his truth, Dean Reciprocates, First Kiss, Fix-it fic, M/M, One-Shot, actually about the character death, but it’s for all of two seconds, cannon character death, cannon reciprocated destiel, dean speaks his truth, dialogue lifted from 15x18 for the most part, i hate the network, i might have made it worse, it’s gayer in spanish folks, not sure yet - Freeform, so is the Empty, so it’s not permanent, sorta fix-it fic for 15x18, spanish!cannon destiel, we all know Cas comes back eventually, when Dean grips him tight and raises him from the empty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27773956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everydayistuesday/pseuds/everydayistuesday
Summary: This was all Dean’s fault. They were trapped in the dungeon with nothing to protect them except a quickly fading sigil.We all know 15x18 had more to it thanks to Jensen and the spanish dub. My take on what might have happened. One-shot.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41





	Fault

**Author's Note:**

> This week in Supernatural News: Obama is a heller, it’s funnier in Enochian and gayer in Spanish, and the network is still homophobic.  
> I can’t cope, so, uh, take another fic.

This was all Dean’s fault. They were trapped in the dungeon with nothing to protect them except a quickly fading sigil. And then-

  
“She said that wound was killing her. Maybe we can wait her out,” Cas suggested. 

“Yeah, and if we can't?” Dean snapped. 

“Then we fight.” 

“We'll lose.” They would. Neither of them would make it, Cas wouldn’t make it. Cas wouldn’t make it, and it was all Dean’s fault. “I just led us into another trap. All because I- I couldn't hurt Chuck. Because I was angry and because I just needed something to kill and because that's all I know how to do.” 

“Dean,” Cas started. 

Billie’s fist pounded on the other side of the door. The sigil flared as it began to dissolve. 

“It was Chuck all along,” Dean plunged on. “We never should've left Sam and Jack. We should be there with them now. Everybody's gonna die, Cas, everybody. I can't stop it. Billie’s gonna get through that door. And she's gonna kill you-“  _ and I’ll have to watch you die  _ “-and then she's gonna kill me.” He shook his head. “I'm sorry.”

Cas stared at Dean, realization dawning on his face. “Wait, there is…. There's one thing she's afraid of. There's…. There's one thing strong enough to stop her. When Jack was dying, I- I made a deal to save him.”

Dean’s stomach dropped. Cas- Cas had- “You what?”

“The price was my life. When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever,” Cas explained. 

“Why are you telling me this now?” Dean asked, just barely keeping his voice from shaking. 

He already knew. 

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be, what- what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer,” Cas said, not answering. 

Cas had never been happy? He hadn’t been happy since he made that deal? How long was that?

  
“Because the one thing I want... it's something I know I can't have.” 

Billie’s fist slammed into the door again. 

Something nagged at the edge of Dean’s brain.  _ Something I know I can’t have _ . Was Cas- could he- no, that was crazy. Dean flirted with Cas plenty. If he had been interested, the Cas would have said something… right?

Dean’s heart doubled in pace. 

“But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having. It's in just being. It's in just saying it.” 

“What are you talking about?”

Cas met Dean’s gaze. “I know- I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive and you're angry and you're broken. You're- you’re ‘Daddy's Blunt Instrument.’ And you think hate and anger, that's- that's what drives you. That's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you sees it.” He had a faint smile on his face now. “Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for  _ love _ . You raised your little brother for  _ love _ . You fought for this whole world for  _ love _ . That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless,  _ loving _ human being I will ever know.”

Dean shook his head. No. Cas couldn’t be talking about him, not after everything he’d done. Not after the people he’d killed and the lives he’d ruined, not after he’d led Cas off to kill Billie only to trap them. Not when it was his fault that Cas was going to die.

“You know, ever since we met and ever since I pulled you out of Hell,” Cas said, eyes wide with sincerity, “knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the  _ whole world _ because of  _ you _ . You changed me, Dean.”

There was another bang. The sigil was fading fast. Too fast. 

Dean didn’t- couldn’t- answer for a moment.

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?” he managed. 

Cas’ smile widened. “Because it is.” He took a breath. “I love you.”

Dean’s brain short circuited. 

_ He loves me. _

__

_ It’s not one sided.  _

__

_ Holy shit, Cas loves me.  _

_   
Sayitbacksayitbacksayitback- _

“Don't do this, Cas,” Dean said desperately instead. “Don’t leave me. I-“

The words got stuck in his throat. 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Cas said. 

“No, I do. Cas, I-“ 

Shit, why couldn’t he get it out? Why couldn’t he say it? He’d crossed over from purely platonic feeling for Cas years ago. 

  
“Why- why isn’t it coming?” Cas said, glancing around, anxious and confused. “I don’t understand, when I was happy, it was supposed to come.”

  
Billie hit the door again. The sigil was nearly gone. 

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas said helplessly. “I’m sorry I can’t-“

“Don’t be sorry, Cas.” Dean took a step towards him, until they were almost on top of each other. “At least- least if we go out, we go out together.” 

“Dean-“ 

  
“Cas, I’d rather go out together than have you- have you fucking kill yourself for me. I’m not worth it. I’m not worth your life, Cas. You’re-“ Dean searched frantically for the right words. “-it scares me how much I care about you. But not as much as the thought of losing you and having to keep going- I- dammit, Cas I love you! I love you! And-“ He broke off. 

There was movement in the corner of Dean’s eye. He turned. The Empty. 

_ This was his fault.  _

__

“Fuck,” Dean said. “Fuck, I shouldn’t have- I- I can’t lose you, Cas! Not again. I-”

  
Cas cut him off, pressing their lips together. 

It was the best kiss Dean had ever had.

Even if it tasted of tears. 

  
“Don’t go,” Dean begged. 

“I won’t let her kill you,” Cas said, searching his eyes for something. “I wish I could stay.” 

The door opened with a bang. 

Cas’ face was damp when he smiled at Dean for the last time. “Goodbye, Dean.”

“Cas-!” 

Cas gripped Dean’s shoulder and pushed him to the side as the Empty reached glistening, black tendrils towards him. They enveloped Cas, closing around him like a shell, then dragged him away. 

The Empty vanished. 

Billie was gone.

Cas was gone. 

When the tears came, Dean didn’t fight them. 

Cas  _ loved _ him. Cas  _ knew _ how Dean felt about him. 

And he was gone.   
  


And it was Dean’s fault.


End file.
